Sparring etiquette
A Few Thoughts on Sparring from Personal Experience
A little background: I’ve trained in martial arts on and off throughout my life. Most recently, I’ve been practicing kickboxing at a reputable local MMA gym. I also trained Muay Thai briefly in college, though I only learned the fundamentals at that time.
Since joining this new gym, I’ve been exposed to a lot more sparring—which has been an incredible tool for improving my timing, reactions, and movement in a live combat setting.
At this gym, sparring is generally kept light unless you're in a designated advanced class. Participants in beginner and intermediate sessions vary widely in size, skill, and experience. It's not unusual to see people who’ve only been training for a few months sparring with seasoned amateurs, professionals, and even a couple of UFC-level contenders.
One thing I’ve learned is that you can’t generalize your intensity across all sparring partners. In a single session, you might rotate through 10 different partners of vastly different builds and abilities. When I first began sparring, I was concerned about accidentally going too hard—I’m a 215-pound man with a background in weightlifting and powerlifting, so even moderate speed on my strikes translates into significant power. This can be tricky, especially when sparring with smaller, faster opponents.
That said, I’ve also found that some less experienced partners tend to “walk through” light strikes in an attempt to win the round. While I believe playful, light sparring can be incredibly productive, sometimes it becomes necessary to turn up the power just enough to remind your partner to respect the strikes and engage more thoughtfully. Ironically, these same partners often throw unexpectedly hard shots themselves, leading to some awkward or escalating exchanges.
The popular saying, “hit me as hard as you want to be hit,” is a bit of an oversimplification. The appropriate intensity in sparring depends on the size, skill level, and mindset of each participant. Sparring should be a learning opportunity for both people. There needs to be enough intensity to simulate real timing and pressure, but also enough restraint and awareness to allow for experimentation and growth.
For example, I recently sparred with someone who was several inches taller and much more experienced. He realized I was trying to learn how to catch and sweep kicks. After a few failed attempts, he slowed one down for me, giving me the chance to execute the technique successfully. That was an incredibly helpful moment—and exactly the kind of interaction that makes sparring valuable.
In conclusion, unless you’re sparring to prepare for a fight, it should be an educational experience. Adjust your intensity to your partner. Be mindful if they’re gassed, smaller, less experienced, or not as quick. The goal is not to “win” a round, but to make sure both partners walk away having learned something.
Happy sparring.
